Top Ten Worst Presidents (by sheer virtue of their name without any foreknowledge of their person or presidency)

(Alternately, this list could’ve been called the Ten Whitest Men in the History of Old Dead White Men)

10.
Film : Star Wars : Jabba the Hutt
President: Benjamin Harrison
Years in Office: 1889–93
The Case Against Him: I’ve never heard of this guy. I’m pretty sure he was digitally added into history by George Lucas.

9.
Zachary Taylor Thomas
President: Zachary Taylor
Years in Office: 1849–50
The Case Against Him: I was fine with this one until I realized he wasn’t the guy from Home Improvement.

8.
Ricky+Bobby_+2+First+names_0dd509_3743617
President: Chester Arthur
Years in Office: 1881–85
The Case Against Him: Classic case of two first names.

7.
Polka King Home Alone 1990
President: James K. Polk
Years in Office: 1845–49
The Case Against Him: I am assuming this guy invented Polka music.

6.
zoolander done
President: William Henry Harrison
Years in Office: 1841
The Case Against Him: Who?

5.
Grover
President: Grover Cleveland
Years in Office: 1885–89
The Case Against Him: This person strikes me as someone who got into office on the coolness of their name only to spend the next four years building model ships-in-bottles and ordering steaks sent to the white house “medium raw” with a top hat full of brandy.

4.
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President: Rutherford B. Hayes
Years in Office: 1877–81
The Case Against Him: Rutherford sounds like a guy who has a large collection of dolls and spends his nights doing donuts in the oval office on a wooden Segway.

3.
laffytaffybanana
President: William Howard Taft
Years in Office: 1909–13
The Case Against Him: I just don’t trust this one. Taft is dangerously close to taffy and I once choked on a large gob of banana Laffy Taffy at the state fair.

2.
dane-cook
President: Martin Van Buren
Years in Office: 1837–41
The Case Against Him: This guy just sounds like the ultimate dickhole. Plus, I saw a scary wax figure of him at Ripley’s Believe It or Not! once and it instantly inspired a heart attack in my butthole.

1.
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President: Millard Fillmore
Years in Office: 1850–53
The Case Against Him: His name is Millard Fillmore.

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