Dear Mr. Vader,
I am writing to inform you that I will be resigning from my position as imperial officer on July 18 of the current star year.
You should know I am very grateful for my professional development these past two weeks. That I have been promoted seven times in such a short span is certainly a confidence builder. I am grateful for the opportunity to cause mass destruction throughout the universe.
Though I will hate to lose such generous corporate perks (no less than one wookie slave per year, a Timeshare on Hoth, and 10% employee discount at the Death Star gift shop—I shall always cherish my Die Rebel Scum coffee mug and What Happens in Mos Eisley Stays in Mos Eisley t-shirt), in the end I guess I felt the professional opportunity wasn’t worth being force-choked to death over or electrified by our freakypale CEO, as many of my professional peers have learned the hard way.
This is totally my own fault. You see, when an admiral told me my first day upon the slightest slip up we could be terminated, I did not realize he meant we could be terminated. Perhaps I am just unfamiliar with the Sith managerial style. At the previous company I worked for, for example, we would receive a stern talking-to, or maybe a slight dock in credits as reprimand.
In short, I would rather serve the empire elsewhere. Please consider my request for transfer to the forest moon of Endor, as I have always wanted to ride one of those sleek speeders while wearing the cool scout uniform.
Thank you for the opportunity, and may the force be with youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuu uuuo oodqc,wdjkn.m c